"Saying no is something you have to get good at doing so you can get good at saying yes to the things that you really want to do." -Brooke Castillo
Why do we say YES when we really mean NO?
Part of you thinks that saying NO will lead to:
Conflict, a missed chance to gain someone's approval, and people talking negatively about you behind your back.
Part of you thinks that saying YES will lead to:
No conflict, a chance to gain someone's approval, and getting praise.
What ACTUALLY happens when you say yes?
You build conflict and resentment with yourself AND other people. It's a lose-lose situation.
How to know if you're a people pleaser:
What do people say about you?
Do they say...
"I love her!"
"She's soooo nice."
"Ask her! She usually says yes."
If you answered YES, don't judge yourself, just recognize it.
How To Change:
Step 1: Prioritize your own approval.
Start saying YES to yourself, it might sound like saying NO to the things you don't want to do.
Step 2: Be honest, say no.
Then allow for discomfort.
Discomfort is just an emotion. It can't hurt you.
How you respect yourself will teach others how to respect you.
If you accept self-sabotage towards yourself, others will take advantage of you, too.
No. = A complete sentence.
You owe no one an explanation for your NO.
Giving others the honor of your honesty
+
Preventing resentment
Giving yourself your own approval
=
WIN-WIN-WIN situation.
But, if you want to say something, try this:
What Does This Actually Look Like?
When you cover someone's shift on your day off...
you've said NO to taking care of yourself.
How to say YES to yourself: "Coworker, you're awesome! And no. I need to rest."
When you find yourself at a kid's birthday party, but you hate kids birthday parties...
You've said NO to being honest with the host and yourself.
How to say YES to yourself: "I love you and your kid, how else can I contribute?"
When you weigh more than you want to...
You've said NO to living in the body you want to live in.
How to say YES to yourself: "I love you (self who wants to overeat) and no we're not gonna eat that. We're choosing a healthier body for the future."
When someone invites themselves over to your home but hosting is the last thing you want to do...
You've said NO to spending the day the way you want to.
How to say YES to yourself: "I love you friend, and no. Does this other date work for you?"
When you stay in a relationship for too long...
You've said NO to choosing the life you want to lead.
How to say YES to yourself: "I love you and goodbye. Thank you for the lessons."
When you hear these words come out of your mouth: "I just don't like conflict..."
You've said NO to your own opinion and your needs.
How to say YES to yourself: "I love you and no, that doesn't work for me. Can we make this other plan work?"
